It’s been a while…
Haven’t been on tumblr for years… This is my first actual post in two years I believe.
I needed somewhere to rant.
I haven’t felt this lonely in a while.
It’s funny because I was so satisfied because I thought everyone liked me. Slowly but surely, a series of events are breaking down my pride and vanity and revealing that I’m a self-absorbed idiot who no one actually likes because of that. The more I reflect on it, the more I know that I don’t really have anyone who likes me for who I am, because I’m a terrible person. Why would anyone like me? And if he or she does like me, they like me for something else that’s not me… I’m not sure if this makes any sense.
When I tried to compliment a pretty girl today, I guess it came off the wrong way as flirting and me being horny af.
Anything I say comes off wrong. When I told friends to go talk somewhere else because we had praise practice, it came off really rude.
Maybe it’s cause I really am those things.
But one thing’s for sure.
I’m a freaking terrible person. I’m not the perfect little guy that I always think I am. And I’ve hit rock bottom. Emotionally at least. I guess school work and college and SAT/ACT stress is piling up on me too, adding to my emotional instability. And huge guilt of sin.
This is where I go back to the start… Where You found me. I surrender. Take me.
Lord I need You…. I’ve fallen so short and never EVER think of You anymore. Selfish of me. I’m so full of myself. I need You. I’m so desperate.
Sometimes I think I’m unable to be changed. I want to believe that I can change though.
God help me.